|Can't you just picture lolling all over the couches in this|
cozy living room? What—you can't?
Today we chuckle at the silly pretense of the Kaisersaal, but in fact many of us have the modern-day equivalent in our homes—formal, showy rooms that may contain our best furniture, but are seldom used except to impress visitors. Come on, admit it—do you spend more time in your so-called “living room”, or in your kitchen?
|The formal dining room: It uses lots of space,|
but it doesn't get much use.
Following are some notorious modern-day Kaisersaals and their appurtenances, each with the trait of existing mainly for show:
• The top Kaisersaal award goes to the living room. For the last fifty years, it’s been steadily declining in usefulness, finally becoming a sort of furniture showroom forbidden to family, friends, and pets. The only people who actually sit in most living rooms are guests you want to impress with your good housekeeping and impeccable taste—in other words, people you’re trying to fake out.
|That pretentious tract house must-have,|
the soaking tub, is another space hog
that doesn't earn its keep.
• The beloved “formal dining room” runs a close second in uselessness. Even the most devoted gourmands use their dining room but a few times a month. The rest of us just try to keep the dust off the woodwork. Why waste an entire room just so you can dine like Henry VIII once in a blue moon? If you’re planning a new home, consider devoting the 150 square feet consumed by a formal dining room to a more functional purpose. And if you’re among the many already “blessed” with a formal dining room, why not resign yourself to a few spaghetti stains on the carpet, and actually eat there every day?
|Here's a Kaisersaal two-for-one—a pompous|
soaking tub and a fireplace. Hey lady,
watch out for that burning log!
|If this guy stops by,|
give him the good bedroom.
• And speaking of pointless appurtenances, many new homes routinely feature two or even three fireplaces, despite the fact that hardly anyone uses them. If you’re serious about practical living, you can probably get away with one. Or none.
And by the way—if an old German guy in a spiked helmet stops by, you might want to give him the big bedroom.